Uselessness

Really can't write when my tears are dropping huh?

This is a bitter part of my life. It had been better since september. However, starting from today, tonight, it went back to normal, the miserable part.

I have got the chances to enlighten people, and gain people's assurance. However, there was one person who I didn't get the approval of my skills. My hard work is probably not as good as the sweet words other people said.

And I am not allowed any mistakes. Zero. Unfortunately, I experienced the recession period of my volleyball life. This is the mistake. No forgiveness was received and Boom I am gone, heading back to the bench, like last year.

Can't recall how much time and effort was there to help raise up my self confidence. I was good, high self-esteem. Then this great player was me.

It's all gone now.

The mistakes, the confidence, the heading to bench... everything can't be undone.

And I guess I am done.

Do I really want to talk about it? Not really man... am I not pathetic enough?

So heart broken......

I know I am so immature in this issue, with low EQ.

Allow me to be a crying baby for now.

CNY

It's Chinese New Year, the beginning of a year, the family gathering period.

Unfortunately, I am experiencing the joy of being together with my love ones. Not only because my grandmother passed away, there are also issues.

I sincerely thought that my mom wanted to see her daughter on the new year day. But I wasn't welcomed to go to my aunt's home.

Self-esteem dropped to the lowest.

Auntie Angel called at night. She is just as caring as she can be all the time. We talked until my dinner has gone cold. But it was all worth-it. Guess I need at least some support from the family, any family.

So, I survived the lonely new year.