In love with some MateriaL

I have seen something really nice lately..... which colour looks better??

Yellow Candy

Red Candy

Orange Candy

Green Candy

Blue Candy

I personally like green the most....

Bitter

Most of my friends from Toronto came back for summer. Last night, most of us sat down for a dinner. Gabe, Clement, Anne, a couple and I. We started talking about things and people back home.



It was nice to see all of them. However, it was bitter for me. As dinner started, I tried my best to focus on the food instead hearing who is marrying who, and who are going out with who. They seemed to have so much fun in joking around with relationships. It was bitter. In addition to that, the girl from the couple looked so sweet with her bf, a little too sweet for me. Not my type.... "_"

At night, I went to bed with my exhausted body. Waking up in the morning, I can't believe that my dream was still me going out with Eric. After 3 years, how come I still dream of that?

Do I miss you?

a pretty picture of mine :)

Something again

I saw him again today. Very scared to look at him directly, it makes me nervous.

Still, do I have a chance? Or am I going to be like this for the rest of my life?

This is the end of the placement. Bitter and sweet. I dislike the stress pressed on me during the placement, but I love the hospital, the teachers and my patients.

I wanna tell myself about something

I wanna tell myself about something, that it hasn't happened for a very long time, there is a crush.

Is there a chance for me?

Uselessness

Really can't write when my tears are dropping huh?

This is a bitter part of my life. It had been better since september. However, starting from today, tonight, it went back to normal, the miserable part.

I have got the chances to enlighten people, and gain people's assurance. However, there was one person who I didn't get the approval of my skills. My hard work is probably not as good as the sweet words other people said.

And I am not allowed any mistakes. Zero. Unfortunately, I experienced the recession period of my volleyball life. This is the mistake. No forgiveness was received and Boom I am gone, heading back to the bench, like last year.

Can't recall how much time and effort was there to help raise up my self confidence. I was good, high self-esteem. Then this great player was me.

It's all gone now.

The mistakes, the confidence, the heading to bench... everything can't be undone.

And I guess I am done.

Do I really want to talk about it? Not really man... am I not pathetic enough?

So heart broken......

I know I am so immature in this issue, with low EQ.

Allow me to be a crying baby for now.

CNY

It's Chinese New Year, the beginning of a year, the family gathering period.

Unfortunately, I am experiencing the joy of being together with my love ones. Not only because my grandmother passed away, there are also issues.

I sincerely thought that my mom wanted to see her daughter on the new year day. But I wasn't welcomed to go to my aunt's home.

Self-esteem dropped to the lowest.

Auntie Angel called at night. She is just as caring as she can be all the time. We talked until my dinner has gone cold. But it was all worth-it. Guess I need at least some support from the family, any family.

So, I survived the lonely new year.

The nightmare

The clinical placement has ended. It left me a really really sad memory. Despite the fact that I really enjoyed the stuff that I learned in there, the fear of clinical placement built up enormously. The loss of confidence kept me away from focusing at school. When doing the sensation test in adult neuro class, all I could think of was how CE criticized me in the pin prick test. My role learning skill was crappy as hell. Guess I am so bad that I can only get better in the future? I wonder.... is this really happening?

My fault

Wanna cry so bad. Very upsetting. Butterfly stomach implies the helplessness in me.

Wanna chat with someone but there's no one you wanna share things with even though there are 45 ppl on MSN.

Where is this going to take me to?

Life is very ridiculous sometimes. When I wanna make it less ridiculous, it seems wrong for other ppl.

Understood it was my fault because I understand other party's feeling. But this will solely be my fault, since other parties would not consider the concerns in me. That's why I feel heavy.

Very heavy as I am the only one to carry all the wrong-doings.