Being a student in a clinical placement is not easy. I always thought I had hospital experience before by volunteering at the Emergency department back in Toronto. It would be so easy for me to build up good rapport with patients, as well as the medical staff. Because back then, I was a nice person.
After making a horrible mistake at my last practical exam before my placement, I am not able to let go of it. The sudden release of the safety lock still sounds massively in my mind. Thinking about the consequence that I would have brought for the patient led to a helpless guilty feeling. I would have failed me if I were the teacher. Luckily, she knew me thorough enough that it was an accident, a terrible accident which affected my confidence and performance.
So, my clinical place started with THAT!! With a horrified heart, I was so scared of doing anything wrong, since there is no second chance in the ward. Lack of confidence helped me to gain distrust from the clinical educator. Nervous to answer questions, nervous to proceed, the CE thought I didn't know anything who also didn't do the revision. The progress was so slow as I wasn't firm enough to proceed before consulting her. Also, because of my shaking heart and trembling hand at the ward, the mistake of carelessness made external. I broke the security of the patient today. It was not disconnected. IT WAS BROKEN!! @_@
Despite the fact that I was not that competent in working in the ward, I started to like what I am doing. I started to be thankful to have her as my CE. I started to worry that the last day of this placement is going to come too soon.
I wish to learn more.....MORE......not in the hard way though.
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