Fat Girl

I have gained so much weight. It's not even funny!!!!
Diet!!! Exercise!!! Cut junks!!! GoGoGo!!!

My moomin

Fell in love with moomin because of him. I went to his office today.

On his birthday, I sent him a message, wishing him all the best for the upcoming year. Then he gave me a call the next day but I missed the call because of volleyball. The only reason that I could think of is, he's finally willing to find out who on earth sends birthday blessings every year. BUT he didn't dare to call again.

Today, I knew he was looking at me, even though I was talking to his colleague. I just knew. Turning my head to take a glance on him, his bright smile shined on his face. In my head, "Did you know 't was me? Did you know? Do you know?" Guess it's not important no more, cos you weren't willing to find out. Still love the way he stares at me, remains caring and sincere as it was 10 years ago. It hasn't changed a bit ever since we met. We got on the same bus on our way home. We said our goodbye. He gave me the last smile when he turned for the stairs. It was great.

It has been more than 10 years, before I left Hong Kong. I am sure the feeling is not exactly the same anymore. But then I came to see him everytime I visited HK. Now that I base in here, I visit every 6-7 months, like seeing the doctor. It's like a habitual thing. It's not like I am hoping for anything to happen, it's just I don't wanna give up having excuses to see him.

The stage of depression... again

I did not intend to make this an emotional entry. Therefore, I am just gonna to state the fact and make it short.

Mom has been babbling around lately. Honestly, I wanted to avoid her because she always says the wrong thing at the wrong time. She accused me of not paying her on time and requested to pay her back from September. ALL BS! I paid her absolutely more than two times. Then she asked me if I am dating, or if I needed any help. My tears was just uncontrollably dropped. Felt palpitation from the centre of the heart, I definitely needed a breath. So I went out to the pier, took my time to have a good cry. The grocery store was my destination for my stress relief.

People always say that I am beautiful, nice, caring, sincere... blah blah blah.. my patients said whoever has you is very lucky.. blah blah blah... Very flattering, but I am still single. So either the people around me lie, or something wrong with me.

Chatting with a guy friend online, after he expressed the same thing as everybody told me, he asked .. so why exactly don't you have a bf? I wanted to yell so bad "HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW????" Then I calmed down and told him about the married people around me... those BS... really shitty.

Sigh.. whatever... hopefully I can get out of this mood soon... fast....

His confession

That Aussie guy reappeared again. We have been chatting online once in a while. I have to admit that I start to develop feelings for him. Thinking of him on and off, thinking about what would happen if we actually meet each other in real life. Last night, he told me the same thing. Glad to hear that he thinks of me as well. The sweetest thing is that, he would have fallen in love with me if we ever spent time together. The IF word again. Hate that! I would've fallen for him too.

Not only once I heard patients' compliment on me. They said, you are such a warm hearted girl; you are very nice; your husband is very lucky. At that moment, I almost drop my tears, wanted to say that, may be there's no lucky guy in this planet. Feel very sad indeed.

The other night, I dream about my grandma. She was very happy giving out medals. She awarded those who got married with medals. I was super happy to see her, but just sat there receiving no medal........