My heart is troubled for these couple of days because of various reasons.
There is always difference in opinions between me and my parents. Only that I was too stupid enough to hope that we could compromise something in the end. For all these years, it was everything else in my life, I don't feel any support from my family. Absolutely none. This time, it's my future, my career. Why am I not the person who lives out my own life? At this age, after two degrees, why am I still need to be told what to do? It's so pathetic that I don't even wanna share this with anyone. Too sad to talk about.
When I took the courage to discuss serious things with them, they didn't like my idea, as usual. There is no room for discussion because there is not one moment that they think they are wrong. Esp dad, he is a person on earth who is always right about the entire universe. FINE! I will never discuss with them, NEVER! They are actually very lucky to have my friends and teachers around me to encourage me to talk to my parents. Otherwise I will be long gone without telling them, may be a phonecall from the airport.
Mom talked about creating my own family. I honestly don't know how to deal with it. When I think about my future days, if I live according to their plan, it will be so meaningless that I will wish it to be ended. Okay may be this is too serious, but then this is how depressing the situation is.
How come after all these years, they still don't accept that I am different person from they are, that we have different values. Not as money oriented as mom, not as nationalistic as dad. Their daughter only wants to live simple, help people in need, and go to church.
Do I have to wait for them to grant me these wishes? But when is it going to happen? I am betting on NEVER!
Then what's the meaning of living if I don't move away from them?
Thank you for paying for my living all these years, but don't expect me to share with you my thoughts, as you won't like it anyways. You guys have been discouraging enough to make me a person who is always not sure of myself, no confidence at all. But thanks to my overseas experience to make me realize that I am somehow useful. I shouldn't be too concern of what you guys think anymore because it's going to be exactly opposite to what I think. Therefore, forgive me for not including you guys into my life. And don't worry, as far as your concern, I will pay you back for my education.
2 comments:
It s so sad to read this post.
Sometimes it is really discouraging when they have completely opposite opinions.
if they really really dont understand you and you find it hard to live your own life meaningfully because of them, just go do something you think it s right.
i m not sure they ask you to do sth they want you to do or they do care you, but expressing it in the wrong way.
i mean they want to care you but always think from their own point of view without putting themselves into ur shoes.
but i still think you should pursue ur own life. it will be so sad that you waste your whole life in the way you dont like.
one thing to remember--> no matter what, dont hate them.
How on earth do you know that I really don't like them already...?
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