Goal setting

Have I already decided which field I am gonna be focusing on? Guess I have a little direction from the Father above. Mucho gracias!

PaPa at KH was sick on Monday. Hearing his cracking voice in the morning, my heart was sour. You have to take good care of yourself my dearest papa. He came back on Tuesday, with a soften voice. I joked with other colleagues saying that Papa's voice was very gentle today. Then I offered to run for the lunch meeting instead of him. Of course, he needed to rest more. Wednesday, he's 100% already. Good job dear Papa, who always takes good care of me as well. Muah ^3^

Samantha from Columbus posted a website on FB regarding to international volunteering. The programs do not only limit at English teaching, but also medical professionals. Physiotherapist program was found as well. But most of the programs are targeting paediatrics, which is not exactly my field of interest. I will search more to see if the program can allure to volunteer aboard when my contracts up.

Explosion

I.... Exploded today. Millions and millions of troublesome patients, draining every lil bit of eneryg out of me every single minute. Thank God Thomas Papa was there to accompany me, even though he didn't know how to deal with my tears.

He sang today, haha... Love ya Papa

Mucho Gracias Thomas Papa

After taking 3 days off to do the stupid super stressful Journal club, I was back to work on Tuesday. The first day was okay. Wednesday was soooo crappy. Patient coming was expected, but one referrals after one, and after another was super irritating. If this happened to only one patient, I guess I can tolerate better. However, this was not the case. One after another referral...... I was extraordinaryly mad, lost my temper.

"Mr Wong, I can do it no more!"
"Hang in there!!"
"I really can do it no more! People are crazy!"
"This is the psychiatric unit."

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

The next day, there was a returned patient, who refused to be discharged with tones of unreasonble excuses. This is the first time I needed to enter the pantry to ventilate and to cool down myself in order to avoid any stupid behaviour due to rage. Then there was a new case who came with his son. This son was dressed educated but in fact not educated enough to ask questions while the therapist was available. Too may irrelevant questions which may lead me to answer something stupid. This was the second time I needed to entry the pantry, and I asked Papa Thomas to come with me.

"Mr Wong, I am dead."
"What case is that?"
"Frozen shoulder. Crazy...."
"Now you can first xxxxxxx, then xxxxxxxxx......"
"Okay..."
"You are competent of handling this, and very well. If there are further problems, you call me for help, like this."
"Okay... thanks."

Returning to my spot, trying my best to communicate with the client & ignoring the son, everything was settled afterwards. The client was actually pretty nice and following command. Thomas Papa gave me this thumb and said, "Very good. You are competent enough to handle these situations!"

Thomas Papa was so so so nice. I knew I wasn't good enough in a lot of aspects, but he kept on giving me so powerful encouragement. He took super good care of me, making me feel like I am experienced enough. Wanna give him a super big hug.

=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=.=

The next day, I was just a lil bit frustrated about how people can get a physio appointment in only 3 days which is not classified as category I. As usual, I have no hesitation of expressing my thought to Thomas Papa. He told me that I could tell the seniors but that's a first. "I'd better not creating more trouble." Thomas Papa smiled, saying that I sounded like I have been doing this for 20 years.

Mucho Gracias Thomas Papa

The four words

In chronological order, I saw

Patient

Peaceful

Happy

Serve

Moustache-less

Lunch time today, Thomas Papa pulled down his mask to ask me if I needed to buy take out lunch. I stared at him, thinking... something's different. I noticed his lips were a bit pale but today they were even paler. How can I visualize his pale lips so easily today? Because he shaved! He finally shaved!!! A month ago, I found out that it was impossible to imagine Thomas papa's face without moustache.

Today I saw it. He looked 10 years younger and so freaking good looking. Completely resisted to have a thorough glance on him for the whole day.

Gag of the day:
Thomas papa took out a piece of plastic gadget, asked me what it is.
ML: Pump water from fish tank for cleansing
Ruby: For gasoline transfer
AN: For gasoline transfer
NC: hm... fish tank water cleansing
WH: I know I know!! For Gasoline transfer!!!
KL: Oh!!! For Soya sauce transfer
(Silence......)

Someone's from the planet of pluto, speaking the extraordinary language. Go back to your planet dude, once you're done here.

Okinawa

Highlight of the Month:


!OKINAWA!


Thanks for the relaxing trip with DBC & our beloved Jacob!


During this trip, I realized something important. These days this song "Good things" have looped around my head. The lyrics touched me a lot. It's translated like this:


Good things, even thought it ended
Touching leads to satisfying
Thank You, it's you who carry me through those times
Pain, because I am unable to give you more happiness


Good things, may be it can be repeated
Very touching even though it's blurred
Do not cry, at least both of us remember
Love, is to give blessings to each other

That's why I should stop crying, and keep praying & blessing for the one I love.

Te quiero

Dear Chiara,


You have done a very good job today! You were able to show your empathy to your patients, with lots of love and care. Your smile had not been take away. And you continuously care your patients with empathy.


Though, you kinda lost control at one point, when you raised your voice upon disturbance from uncontrolled patients. But you were able to listen to their needs afterwards, which was very much appreciated.


I knew you're happy today, even your papa by your side knew about it. Guess he was happy to see that you had so much positive energy with you and not to be driven down by the negative complaints of the patients. Papa joked with you that he should've taken some of your happiness away. Of course you were more than happy to do so, I just knew. I saw papa started to joke with you, and you were happier.


Good job babie! Keep your uplifting spirit! Carry it on so that your life can affect others. Remember this day, remember how you deal with troubles. See, you are more than competent. Your Papa on your side acknowledged that. Yes, he made compliments about you, and you were floating in the air. Papa from heaven saw that too, and He is happy with what His great daughter did on earth.


My blessings will always be with you! Animo! Te quiero!


Lots of love,
Your Papa in heaven

Different teacher

The moment I entered the school today, I noticed something wasn't right. JD was not in the classroom, it was Danny instead. Then they explained, they are gonna switch teachers from this lesson on so that the students are able to adapt to the language in different accents.

This moment, I would like to quote what JD says in FB, "Change what you can change and accept what you can't change :-)"



After the class, I thought that the change actually did no harm at least to me. Even though he won't be able to teach me anymore, I am happy as long as I know he is doing fine. And in class, I am more open to talk what's in mind.
 
Anyways, to my surprise I am actually not very disappointed. As JD says, there are things you can change, and there are things you just have to suck it up. The only thing is... I hope our friendship don't end here.
 
JD, I still have you in my every prayer ;-)

Fancy

Currently wearing......




which keeps my spirit alive :)

Think I am addicted to it.

Meaning of suffering

Currently reading......

Heart aches a lot lately.



SOHO

Went out for dinner this week. I picked Friday because I didn't wanna go home for dinner on a TGIF day.

Evan picked SOHO, so I followed. We walked through LKF then to a street with lots of restaurant. As we walked along the street, there went the really old ancient building. It felt pretty familiar because this was exactly where Tapeo was, the place JD and I had dinner with other esp students. I stared at the two seats we sat on that night, thinking... it will never ever happen again. I really miss the way he took care of me that night.

When I looked up, I saw the phrase "Al Dente". Then the memory of him explaining the meaning of "Al Dente" appeared frequently, as well as every time I had pasta.

After dinner we walked back down to central, taking exactly the same path as that night. I stared at the spot we said goodbye to Maria & her hubby. Great hugs with Maria. I miss her. And I remembered JD had lots of fun chatting with her.

Hang Fa Lau was right at the slope. This was the place where JD and I had chinese desserts with two other classmates. I still remember he had ice red bean with icecream. Gracias he said.

We ended the night at IFC. In front of the McDonald's was where JD and I met up with another classmate. And this was the finishing point of that night, the classmates and JD took the esculator downstairs for subway, and I walked past IFC to the exchange square for the bus ride home.

When I got home that night, JD and I continue with our sweet conversation online after shower; which will never ever gonna happen again.

The end.

A normal day

A beautiful moon appeared in the mysterious sky tonight, as my eyes are unable to be taken away from it. The nature is beautiful. Lord You are Great.

JD has made me to get closer to Lord. With the help of Mother Teresa, I start to seriously think of my role on earth. Instead of whinning about the difficulties in life, what exactly am I supposed to do? How can I be with God more closely? How can I serve his people more tenderly? How can I "spread his fragrance wherever I go?" I am eager to read more and listen to Your word Lord.

Thanks JD for the prayers, as he is still included in my every prayer.

Thomas PaPa has been taking good care of me lately. I love the way he treats me like his young child. And I love his sense of humour to make the environment more relaxing. He still encourages me a lot to make me feel more competent in dealing with MFY. And I love how he seriously thinks hard to help me in problem solving when I lose my control. I am so lucky to have Thomas PaPa.

Last friday some close colleagues and I went out to Knutsford Terrance for drinks. No one really get drunk but a relaxin atmosphere was created for ventilation. Damn freaking KL and that supporting. One talks in Alien language while the other is such the worst lazy ass I have ever seen. My Goodness. Life will be better when God's with me. Lord, I am lucky to be kept by You. Oh, love big Bro Paul and those two colleagues.

Sigh.. still coughing nonstop
Peace Out!

Italian Dinner

Last night, mom asked me, "We are going to have Italian dinner tomorrow night, you wanna come?" I was a bit excited because I haven't had Italian food like forever. Therefore, I dressed up a bit with my ballerina and skirt, waiting for the enjoyable dinner under dim light. Looking forward to the relaxin atmosphere, taking my soul away from the stress from mon to fri. Looking forward different types of cheese, bread with olive oil & vinegar etc.

THIS is what I have in mind........



When I followed my mom to the restaurant, we walked through the mall. In my mind I was wondering, how can a classical Italian restaurant appear here? Then that uncle made a sudden turn. The first thing I saw was the chinese written menu at the entrance of the restaurant. The "Italian La Dolce" doesn't have dim light, but loads of people talking out loud, ordering food here and there. After I sat down, one of the auntie ordered the food for us. She wanted all 8 dishes of lamb, 4 dishes of steaks and 4 dishes of fish can be put together so that each one of us would be able to pick whatever we like. So all we are lacking is a turning plate at the centre for a chinese dinner.

What was I thinking? Did I actually believe that my mom and her friends would visit a traditional Italian restaurant?. Too too naive baby .... you are expecting too much la.

THIS is how I feel for the WHOLE night......

Piritonized

Congratulations Baby! You have achieved a faster time of catching a cold. From sore throat to runny nose, it only took half of a day. Your body has a very rapid rate of mechanism, except the immune system. Now I am piritonized.

Evan and I went for a movie on Saturday night, after the afternoon game at Kowloon Bay. We watched the Pirates of the Carribean. It doesn't matter what movie we watched, it's the reason why I called him up that matters. He probably knew before arriving to the Element. At Haagen Dazs, I finally exploded. Talking about the crappy life lately, including the lost game again, he agreed that I probably should leave to T.O. My tears were shed like a river at that very moment. I am not sure if it's because I feel there's a person standing by me, or if it's because the situation is worse to a level that I won't be able to survive here. I just cried. And super super thanks to Evan who let me cry in his embrace.

Tonight I went for the Beginners II class at Columbus. After two months, we met again. It felt a bit weird at the beginning, but afterwards, I was probably too busy to catch up with the class without thinking too much. It went okay, at least on my side. It felt like I was in the second or third lesson in Beginners I. JD is the teacher, nothing less, nothing more. The class ended and I left. The end. There weren't much eye contact between us. I can feel the reluctancy for making eye contact. It's still okay. The situation will become better after he got familiar with the situation. Hey, I asked him in advance if he's okay. He said no problem.

His cast was removed but the wrist was a bit swollen. I was so tempted to give him a quick screen on his wrist, but I held back. Guess he wouldn't want me to do that.

But I am so glad to see him smiling all the time. At least he seems happy even though he probably suffers a bit after work. Thank God for being with him and stay with him for his difficult time. My prayers work, for once. Mucho Gracias Padre >3<

Met Anna

After stepping out of the scene for a month, I accidentally found out that JD was suffered from Colles fracture since a month ago, and he was put on a POP. At the moment I was a bit mad because it seemed like blessings were not sent to him, and he hasn't been taking good care of himself. A phonecall was made to make sure he was doing fine even with the cast. Thank God he was okay. And I continued to step out of the scene.

Sunday night, Anna found out that I moved back to HK a couple of years ago. We decided to meet up even though it was almost 1 on a Monday morning. It's like we haven't met forever. She got married several months ago, probably wasn't able to contact me back then. S'okay. Most importantly, our conversation expanded to the lifestyle in HK and North America. Many Hongers immigrated to North America 10+ years ago and moved back. Somehow they blend into the community here and beome a typical Honger. That's one thing I have been avoiding myself to do. Agitated, impatient, critical, nonstop complain, materialistic, money oriented...... I would love myself not to gain any of those characters.

And now, as I have mentioned in my previous entries, it seems like God had closed 99% of the doors available in mylife. Family is not so harmonic. Faith is weak. Work is shitty. Relationship is none. Volleyball is crap. The idea of moving back to Toronto appeared frequently in my mind lately. Is that what YOU want me to do? I bet eh?

One have got to have a plan before any action. So, I should get myself more prepared before heading there. There are several courses I need to take to survive financially when I head to Toronto for the first year. Clinical Pilates, fitball & personal training are courses I aim at. Working at a personal trainer, I should take the first year to study and get myself prepared for the licensing exam in Canada. Sounds like a plan eh?

Accommodation will be made at either Mike's, Lisa's, or Uncle Herbert's. Edwin's place will be good choice as well. Hopefully everything can work out fine if the status is not gonna changed.

Once I told Paul gor gor about my idea, he joked around,"What am I gonna do after you leave? Have you thought about me? Can I be a person who makes you stay? Will you stay because of me?" He is such a sweet sweet brother. I like him so much because he really does care about me, his little sis.

Life... goes on

Life goes on, even though I didn't want it to be that way. I haven't contacted him for more than a month. It didn't feel good. I want to know how he is doing, and sincerely want him to tell me that everything is good. At the bottom of my heart, I still care about him, a lot. But then guess one need to take care of my feelings. Getting away from the scenerio seems to be the best way to bring myself back to the right track.

Because my prayers still always include him and his life, it actually draws me closer to God these days. I prayed more often, more sincerely, and have a closer relationship with God. Think this is His plan, between me and Him.

Work hasn't been changed a lot. There will be a new senior starting from tomorrow. Even though I didn't wanna admit, I did get a bit more mature than before. Thomas PaPa encourages me a lot, and gives me advice most of the time. Many Many thanks to Thomas PaPa.

Today I was thinking. Life is so short, Hang in there, you only have 30-40 years to go. It's tough, but it will be over soon. Hang in there.

And then I thought, life is short. I should enjoy every bit of it. But then Jordi's voice echoes in my brain, "你好蠢呀! There are so many things to be happy in life, why spend time to be upset?" "你再唔開心我打你呀!"

Tears WIPED

Even though nothing has changed since whenever unfortunate events started to happen, I haven't been crying since my last sacrament of reconciliation, where I terribly lost control in the oratory. It's been a little more than a week. I became a little stronger. But then it doesn't mean that Lord You don't have to show thy appearance around me.

So, in the upcoming month, there will be a drastic change in my team again. This change is not considered as a preferrable one, as usual. All the best to everyone who's involved. I am not going to ask You again when catastrophe discontinues. Because You are challenging my limits, my faith, my patience and the size of my cross.

Special blessings continuously to the one I care much, I still care much. Even though I kinda know that this is it, not going to change anymore. Should take care of the issue once I think I am confident enough to handle this again without tears. Thanks Lord for taking good care of him and be with him always.

Shitty April

That was a FB status stated by Mav. Then I guess my emotions got a bit more stable and started to look at the bright side.

In this difficult period, I have friends to listen to my BS from work and stuff. They hanged out with me and kept me accompanied. They listened to me patiently until I got sick of myself complaining nonstop. They offered me pets & hugs to ensure that everything's gonna be okay, at least psychologically.

I have my parents to go on vacation so that I could experience quiet moments in the shelter.

I have papa at work who takes good care of me physically & mentally. When I need help in dealing with patients, he offers me help. When I start to lose confidence, he offers me encouragement. When I am a bit upset with situations, he offers me jokes for my laughter. When I feel stressful at times, he offers me afternoon tea =)

I have mama & big bro at work who allow me to whine.

Also, guess I am entering the phase of acceptance. "It's gonna be okay...."

ISQ

When bad things happen, it means you luck is going downhill. Then you wait for the day when things turn better. I am still waiting for that day to come, in the mean time, my luck is still going downhill.

The boss of that Indonesian maid from Chile called to complain.

My head went through the process of blowing up, headache, breaking into tears.

TELL ME WHEN THIS IS GONNA END?!

Lunch time, I prayed as usual. I was actually pretty upset. Since I have been crying everytime I talked to Lord. He knew everything and it was really useless for me to say anything. So my prayer goes,

"Dear Lord, please bless the food we eat, so we could work for your Glory. Blessings to Jordi, please take care of him in every aspect of his life. And.... I don't have anything else to say. Amen."

It's like hanging up on the phone to God, with anger. I just didn't wanna express how devastated I was again and again.

PaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPaPa

At the end of the day, Thomas PaPa and I talked a bit probably because he knew I was a bit upset with what happened. And you know what, I think it was Jesu's word through the mouth of PaPa. He reminded me about the things I learned through those difficult situations, like what happened in the SPSS course. And he thought that I was a bit more sensitive to troublesome situations. I interpreted that as a complement.

Dinner was with Mav at MK, and found out that we went through about the same situation these coupla months. Guess he's a bit positive than I was. And Jesu said, don't be so short sighted. I understand it's very difficult at the moment, but try to give it two weeks, then another week to get over it. You should regard it as an experience, a joyful experience you earned. The best is yet to come.

So, that's what I got after hanging up on our Lord?

Head blown up

Si, my head is gonna blow up soon.

Everything is back to what happened the end of January 2011. My emotion was triggered by Mav's status. Guess he returned to the status the end of Jan.

It felt like I lost someone important. Our lives go separately since the day we said our Goodbye. I tried my very best to accept what happen, and to adapt the situation. In order to do that, I will have to shift my attention to something else, a.k.a my career.

Unfortunately, my career is covered with dark clouds. If I pay too much attention on it, sooner or later I am gonna get admitted to psychiatric ward. Tears drop at around 5pm almost everyday, then headache follows.

Before, I thought life was a bit better because someone helped me emotionally to share some of my burden, and told me that everything's gonna be alright. These days, there wasn't. Therefore, work is difficult with no one to carry away the burden.

Home isn't really a shelter I wanna escape to because there is too much problem itself. Dad just said that I had too many clothes that not even a 2000 sq ft house can accommodate. In fact, I don't even have a personal wardrobe at the moment. So please stop yelling at me.

Family, relationship, work; all become a mess afterall.

Lord, everytime I close my eyes and pray, you know about my deepest feelings without me saying it even though no one around me notices. How long is this gonna last? Cos I feel very weak now with zero energy to handle, to fight...... have mercy on me

Back to work

The first two days back to work were at M floor. The most joyful thing happened would be having a chance to meet a patient from RMD. She was 93 years old and she recognized me. I could talk to her freely about everything. And I can hold her hands and wish her good luck. It was the first day I returned to the K4 dungeon today. I didn't look forward to it, just tried to take it easy, seeing patients one by one. I think Thomas PaPa was kinda freaked out the first time he saw my tears off my eyes. But when it happened again today, he calmly sat in front of the computer, joking with the supporting staff. I was so glad that he gave me a moment to gather my thought with the sea of blue folders. With the tears, I ran for my Marks & Spencer Viennese Double Chocolate Sandwich. Thomas PaPa comforted me by the recognition of a can of Coke Cola in the fridge, and shared with me my anti depressin. He said, "I need to help you a bit because it seems like you can't control yourself (appetite-wise). " Thanks so much Thomas PaPa. I don't even wanna talk about what happened at the dungeon because it gave me severe headache, and wonder why people have to be so difficult to deal with, or why things have to be that complicated. Lord, I certainly cannot handle this without You. Please Please Please, stay with me and carry me through. Mucho Gracias!

The courage to talk

Mucho Gracias a GiGi y Vincy. They both gave me so much encouragement to speak up, to express my thoughts to the confused friend. Therefore, I picked up my cellphone, gave him a call and requested to talk. This act has to be done anyways because I felt a bit rude for not squeezing out a single word the night he said those things, like 6 years ago.


Honestly, I truly understand his concerns and worries. When one moves to another country, when one has his living environment totally flipped, and when one has to make life decisions for the very first time in his early thirties, I can completely feel the frustration in between. It made me think of the change of environment when I first moved to Canada, when I first got isolated from the Chinese gangs, when I first entered the university, when I first started working, and when I first moved back to HK. Every time, I guess I was lucky enough to have friends around me, who had never given up on me.


First, the friends from ESL class who helped me a lot on getting use to the routines in Canada; the Indian girl who tagged along with me in Highschool; the University friends in class & volleyball who kept me accompanied in the huge UofT; Alen, Ross & Lisa taught me a lot at the Integrated Pain clinic; In HK I had Steph Isaac vball friends and my lovely Jongmates to go through difficult times with me.

Back to the his story, he is going through a difficult time right now. New environment, new business, new things to learn. Sometimes he loses confidence in himself on his own ability to handle these things. I am sure he is tough enough to do so. But we are all human. At some point, we get tired. We will be emotionally burdened, and stop trusting ourselves.


In his case, there probably becomes a bit more complicated because it also takes time and experience for him to learn about himself. When we face distress, sometimes we are surprised with the way we react. This is a learning process which everyone has to go through. And you may not see the end of it because in different stage of your life, people react differently. This little boy sees this as a huge aspect of life but perhaps hasn't understood that it could change.


I agree that he needs some time to be alone to put bits and pieces together, to better understand himself in return. However, this process is not gonna be the same if he does that alone. Because when he came out of his little casa and interact with people, the result may be entirely different. Then he will enter the loop again. With the care I have for him, I wouldn't want to leave him alone to face all the questions himself. It's as hurtful to him as to me to see him in distress. This time, it's me who wants him to rest in my embrace, petting on his head, whispering in this ears, "Everything will be okay."

Happiness you share to maximize the joy;

Sorrows you share to lighten your burden.

¿Te entiende, chico?

Felt like 2005

It's almost soured to a point that no words can be squeezed out anymore. Thanks to Evan and the Haagen Diaz Belgium chocolate icecream, which slowed down my tears for a bit last night.

Dear JD,

Guess it's just as difficult as for you to say it out loud and for myself to perceive it eh?! And likewise, I need some time to put things together as well. Sorry for being so silent that night, hope I didn't make you feel too uncomfortable. If you really meant what you said, trust me, I understand your stand point. And that's why I did not want to be part of the tension in your life. But there is one thing I would like you to remember. Talk to me when needed because I think I am one of the people who can understand you very well, and vice versa. My prayers will always be with you, your family and Columbus, as usual, even though not as strong as yours :)

Take good care of yourself. Ciao.

Sounded exactly the same as Efung 6 years ago. Told you it was a deadend , but Chiara you still like to bump your head into this.

Mother Teresa said, "iT DoeS NoT MaTTeR

Man is unreasonable, ilogical, selfish

It does not matter, love him!

Honesty and sincerity make you vulnerable

It does not matter, be frank and honest!

What has taken you years to build, can be destroyed in an instant

It does not matter, build!

Give the world your best, and they will kick you for it

It does not matter, give your best!"

Yes, but I learnt not to stop trusting, not to stop loving, not to stop hoping.

But God, sometimes I get very tired.

Be sure to wipe my tears because you said

"I have called you by your name, you are mine.

You are precious in my sight,

and honoured,

and I love you"

(Isaiah 43:1,4)

Isaiah 43: 1-21

1 And now, thus says Yahweh, he who created you, Jacob, who formed you, Israel: Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name, you are mine.

2 Should you pass through the waters, I shall be with you; or through rivers, they will not swallow you up. Should you walk through fire, you will not suffer, and the flame will not burn you.

3 For I am Yahweh, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour. I have given Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.

4 Since I regard you as precious, since you are honoured and I love you, I therefore give people in exchange for you, and nations in return for your life.

5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I shall bring your offspring from the east, and gather you from the west.

6 To the north I shall say, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back!' Bring back my sons from far away, and my daughters from the remotest part of the earth,

7 everyone who bears my name, whom I have created for my glory, whom I have formed, whom I have made.

8 Bring forward the people that is blind, yet has eyes, that is deaf and yet has ears.

9 Let all the nations assemble, let the peoples gather here! Which of them has proclaimed this and revealed things to us in the past? Let them bring their witnesses to justify themselves, let others hear and say, 'It is true.'


10 You yourselves are my witnesses, declares Yahweh, and the servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that it is I. No god was formed before me, nor will be after me.

11 I, I am Yahweh, and there is no other Saviour but me.

12 I have revealed, have saved, and have proclaimed, not some foreigner among you. You are my witnesses, declares Yahweh, I am God,

13 yes, from eternity I am. No one can deliver from my hand; when I act, who can thwart me?

14 Thus says Yahweh, your redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: For your sake I have sent to Babylon, I shall knock down all the prison bars, and the Chaldaeans' shouts of joy will change to lamentations.

15 I am Yahweh, your Holy One, the Creator of Israel, your king.

16 Thus says Yahweh, who made a way through the sea, a path in the raging waters,

17 who led out chariot and horse together with an army of picked troops: they lay down never to rise again, they were snuffed out, put out like a wick.

18 No need to remember past events, no need to think about what was done before.

19 Look, I am doing something new, now it emerges; can you not see it? Yes, I am making a road in the desert and rivers in wastelands.

20 The wild animals will honour me, the jackals and the ostriches, for bestowing water in the desert and rivers on the wastelands for my people, my chosen one, to drink.

21 The people I have shaped for myself will broadcast my praises.

New Volleyball Shoes

Got a new pair of volleyball shoes today, as another birthday gift for myself. The first gift was the Jimmy's wallet last week. Thanks to JD who accompanied me to the vshop. Without him, I'd never make my way up there.


But actually, the topic today has nothing to do with vball shoes. My day was perfecto until my Adios with JD and met up with my Jongmates, whom I could talk about everything in life related to my faith. One asked me about my most concerned items in life at present. Without hesitation, I said, "I am worried that I am gonna be stuck with my parents for the rest of my life." They all made the same conclusion for me, you should find a partner as a companion in life.


Like I have never known this is one of the best solutions of all. Who knows when God's gonna send me my life partner? Or never? I sobbed quietly everytime. Probably because I still feel a bit lonely from the bottom of my heart, but no one has to notice about it. Like, who wants to travel alone when there is accompany? Who likes to pay a self visit to emergency room when there is someone who cares enough? Don't say it like it's my choice because I am capable. Capability does not equal to a desire.


Then I thought of my last break up. Have I been acting a bit too understanding? I accepted whatever Efung said and not to cause him anymore trouble after that. Never hung up on him, never yelled selfish at him, never cried in front of him, but suffering by myself indeed. At that time, I thought he had enough stress to deal with and hopefully our thing would not add on extra burden for him. But nowadays, I have heard stories like completely opposite of my way of dealing with similar situation, makes me wonder. So I was allowed to call him and hang up on him? I was allowed to yell selfish at him? I was allowed to cry in front of him?

These days JD comes around. Even though we chat a lot, it is still clueless on what is going to happen next. On that trouble day of work (yesterday), I really wish myself could rest a little in his embrace and let him pet on my head, whispering to me that 'everything will be okay'. But then the "keep a bit DISTANT" is on progress I think. May be Evan was right. If a guy really wants to go out with me, nothing can stop him from spending time with. If not, there will only be endless excuses.

Baby Chiara, save yourself from drowning before too much disappointment.

Accompany

Last night he and I chatted online again. Since the issue we talked about the night before, I thought the atmosphere was gonna be a bit weird because of the DISTANT he mentioned. But indeed it was still very relaxing.

There was one thing we discussed which was quite sensitive. He gave me an advice that if anything like sprained ankle involving going to the hospital, please ask somebody to go with me he said. At least call somebody to talk. Ask someone to accompany you.

Honestly, I wish I always have somebody to call and chat about anything and everything, and that somebody will be more than happy to receive my phonecall but not feeling annoyed. Up till this moment, I still feel that may be other people do not want to hear from me. Ever since Jan 7th 2005, I became such a person. And experience have showed to me that I was right.

I dropped my tears the moment he typed those phrases. And I had no intention to continue on with the same topic.

the class

There was this he appearing lately, who happens to know me very well; who happens to share with me the joy and happiness each day; who happens to bring me almost all the laughter from last year in just 2 weeks.

At the beginning, I lost hope because there was no sign of pushing the whole thing forward. Then I gained hope because once he's not my teacher, I believe that we may get a lil closer than internet friends. Last night the clerk asked me about the schedule of next class, I was so hesitated. Then I found out that he indeed will keep DISTANT from me as long as I am a student. So, where is this going to bring us to? Nowhere probably.

Talking on the phone with him to confirm how he feels about the whole thing. He was actually fine with me continuously being the student. To avoid gossips, he's gonna keep a bit DISTANT from me, as we haven't known each other for a very long time. May be he's right. We haven't known each other for a very long time. It has only been 15 days since the first time we chatted online.

After a day of deep thinking, guess I am going to see if my schedule fits the school, enrolling the class without considering the dilemma. It may give us more chance to get acquaintance of each other a lil more. I will fully compromise & coordinate with him with the "keep a bit DISTANT" thingie.

Life should be lived to the fullest in any situation. It's not worthwhile to make unnecessary sacrifice to something that has not appeared. And I completely put my life in the hands of HIM.

Think too much

Ever since he sent me the message to ask me first of all to invite him to my vball games, and secondly said he was glad that I am Catholic, I started to hope our relationship did not limit to teacher and student. Monday night, I went to class as usual. After class, I stayed over to hand him the chocolate I got him. Surpringly, he had the DVD of "tuesdays with Morrie" for me. Then he expressed that he's a person who seldom cry that's why the DVD did not cost him any tears. Even though he suffers a lot, he did not drop a single tear. And I drilled again, why do you suffer?


It was a long story, but I happened to have the honour and time to listen to the whole story. I will not forget this part of his life story because my heart sinked with his when he spoke about the difficult time, felt lighter when I knew he's happy with a brand new life. I gave him a hug in the end like I wanted to give to Bianca. This is how much I am as joyful as he is.


Then we started to chat on FB almost everynight, except thursday cos I was starting to catch a cold. Sometimes I thought of him when I was at work because he sort of becomes a role model of faithfulness in any situation.


He wanted to know about my story. So we met up on Saturday to chat in person. I was very nervous actually because I didn't know if it will change any of his impression on me. Anyhow, the chat went well and he thought he knew my feelings very well. He looked at me and found shadows of himself. So he actually made me to believe that there was the unexpected acquaintance although we haven't known each other for a very long time. For my story, I actually only talked about what happened, didn't really mention about my feelings because I am sure once I started, tears will follow. But he said he knew how I felt. I am glad he didn't make to express my emotions.


In the end, we walked together back to school cos he had to attend the party. I had a weird feeling, that we are probably just gonna be really good friends. Cos there's not a single sign of pushing the whole thing forward. Guess I think too much again?

Heart attack at church

Oh gosh! I was almost late for mass at the Rosary.

"Is there any single seat at the front you think?"
'Oh of course, you can just walk up to the front.'

Walking down the isle, there was an empty single seat on my left. I sat down without delay. After my prayers, I started to look around. Why is that face so freakingly familiar? It was Efung's face. There was his birthmark, the position of his pimples, even the way he sighed, it was so Efung. My heart pounded heavily as I honestly did not know how to react if we actually saw each other face to face. I couldn't be focus at the mass. All I can remember from the Homily was the halo Father talked about. Make your halo Shine!

I prayed so hard to God, "Lord, I know now there's 30% chance that he's Efung, 70% chance that he's not. Please make him not to be Efung." The moment of truth came when we sent greetings and peace to each other. He turned, and I was completely relieved.

Afterwards, I kinda laughed at myself. Why did I suffer from a heartattack right there? Probably I still did not know how to get along with him without thinking of what happened. Then I thought of his mother, Bianca. It was a really long time since we last talked. Found her on FB, as well as Patrick, her younger son.

This is the moment when God show me his power once again. Patrick described himself with words like soul destruction and how God help him and love him. Five years ago when Efung and I went for different ways, I would never imagine Patrick would ever write anything like that. His conversion is another marvelous piece of work of God. How can YOU be so powerful?? I surrender to you.

At that moment, I desperately wanted to call Bianca up and congratulated her. Her suffering was all worth-it when the result turned out to be a conversion. I so wanted to give her a big hug. I am sooooo happy for her and her family.

Ano nuevo Ching Chong

This Ching Chong New Year of 2011, I experienced NON STOP eating for the first time in my life. Everything I did was related to food. At the end of the day, my TMJ was complaining of overuse. Man, got some serious weight losing to do.

Diet:
The plan is as follows: Gonna start with oat meal breakfast. That's like the basic. It tastes like shit but I guess it's okay to add some dried cranberries for a lil flavour. Secondly, lunch is gonna be half a serving and you know what I mean girl. Thirdly, no more food after 9pm. Drink water if you're still hungry... LOL Guess that's it regarding to diet.

Exercise:
The night schedule is hard to plan cos you may have different activity every week. I'll do the best I can.

Lunes        - Espanol

Martes      - Jogging 1/2 hr + core training & mm strengthening

                   (+/- 2 hrs of vball)

Miercoles  - 2-3 hrs of vball

Jueves       - Rest day

Viernes      - Jogging 15 min, Agility & Core training

                    (or KCC vball + Agility & Core training)

Sabado      - 3 hrs of fun vball + core training

Domingo    - El Padre

Vale, voy a perder peso!!!

Ching Chong New Year

Love the Title. Sometimes you have to admit that, Chinese is a noisy race. Everything is Ching Ching Chong Chong....... It's kinda important to take a minute to slow down, quite down, and think about things.

It was crap from the beginning of 2011. As I am slowly recovering and accepting what's happening, would like to wish myself all the best in the year of Rabbit. Things have been bad, let's hope that it's not getting any worse. New year ahead, new plans needed, even though I still resist to say the "R" word.

My new senior, Mr Ho, mentioned about the Master program in Manipulative therapy. I am still uncertain about my interest in that field. Even if I am interested, I am considering the Masters program in Curtin, Perth. PERTH, somewhere away from home, I love.

WYD used to be my dream. Now that I couldn't make it, I wish myself happiness still, having fun in some other countries, enjoying the time with my beloved friends, saving myself some relaxin moments, refreshing myself from MFY.

Spent the New Year Eve at LKF with GiGi last night. There were coupla guys around, a Espanol n a Chink. Both of them are pretty nice, but for some reasons, I was so hesitate to proceed. All I could think of was Mushie. Then I realized that Mushie I miss much. Even though there are things I don't like about him, acts I don't agree, I still miss him. Thinking about him more after listening to his stories in Zinc. When am I gonna see him again......